kevyn: (buccaneer boots)
( May. 21st, 2008 06:30 pm)
I sat in class today, trying to take notes, but my mind kept wandering back to Dylan.

I miss him so.

I want him. I NEED him.

But he doesn't want me.

I don't want to be a fool, throwing myself after someone who cannot truly appreciate what I have to offer.

That would be pathetic.

I suppose I should remember the old poem, about if you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, they're yours. If not, they never were.

*sigh*
He asked for my forgiveness. Said he made a mistake. Wants me to take him back.

And I do believe in giving people second chances (though thirds are pretty much out of the question).

And, I do love him.

My heart wants him back.

Especially when he kissed me.

But my mind isn't so sure.
So I've been through anger, bargaining and depression (well I'm still in depression, actually)... don't see how denial's gonna work, but I'll be glad to get to acceptance. In the meantime, however, I have a question:

Is there truly someone for everyone? Or is that just a self-serving myth we tell ourselves and others with broken & lonely hearts, because the truth might just be too frightening to bear?

Is it possible that some people are just meant to be alone, no matter how much they try not to be?

What if not everyone has a "soul mate," or if you just missed them? What if the man of your dreams thinks you are too complicated and messed up to be involved with? Does that mean empty anonymous sex or celibacy are the only options left?

What if some men truly are islands?
kevyn: (meme)
( Jun. 26th, 2005 11:18 am)
My entire life, I have been a loner, a hermit, and a social outcast. Always unable to "fit in," I long ago gave up trying to be with other people, resolved to just "be myself," and at times to actually revel in my outsider status.

As long as I can remember, people have told me that the secret to making friends is to just "be yourself," and people will like you for who you are, instead of trying to pretend to be something that you are not.

And, for the most part, I have always followed that advice.

But a nagging doubt has always been there in the background, that I am giving voice to here for the first time... what if "being yourself" means being someone that people generally don't like? I'm not being cheeky here, just wondering if there isn't a flaw in the logic of "being one's self" as the key to good relationships?

If one's true self is the kind of person that is curmudgeonly, or unpleasant, or negative, or just plain unlikeable... doesn't that belie the idea that people liking you for who you are is sometimes untrue, that sometimes, you must suppress your true self and pretend to be something you are not in order to get along with others? That you may have to choose to be alone in order to be yourself, or choose to be something insincere in order to have companionship?

Just a random thought on a Sunday morning....
.

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