I just woke up after having slept 16 hours, all last night and all day today.

Right knee is still a serious problem. The pain has shifted from inside the joint itself to the soft tissue around the knee -- muscle and tendon -- especially the back of the knee. Swelling seems to have subsided, but the pain has not. Hurts to lay on it in certain positions, and painkillers -- Naproxen and Tylenol -- don't seem to help much.

Getting up from bed hurts, anytime I have to exert my knee it hurts. Still hobbling around, using the cane. And my right hip is aching now, too, I suspect because of all of the unnatural positions I am having to put it in to keep weight off the knee.

Was supposed to go to the food bank today, but slept through it. Couldn't bear the pain of carrying bags of groceries. I'm almost out of food, and have no more food stamps. Out of cigarettes, too.

Haven't left the apartment since Faerie Coffee on Saturday morning. All I've done for days is slept and watched Babylon 5.

I feel like I'm falling apart.
So the temperature finally rose above freezing, and the falling snow turned to rain. Which is good for washing away much of the accumulated snow, but turns everything into a sloppy, slushy mess -- and when it freezes again tonight, it will be dangerous. But for now the streets are clear, and it's warmer, so I decided to brave the slush in order to run some errands. It's the first time I've been out of the apartment for days.
Click for more Christmas Eve adventures )
So, I got up this morning, showered and dressed in my suit and tie, and prepared to go to my weekly meeting with my DVR counselor.

And just as I was ready to head out the door, I got an email from her office, saying she was unexpectedly out today.

Oh well. I'm already up and dressed to the nines anyway, so I might as well make the best of it!

Click for a full day's supply of job-hunting excitement! )
kevyn: (depressed)
( Nov. 21st, 2008 03:41 pm)
Shards of glass riddle my heart
shrapnel of exploded hopes

The inky discharge of despair bubbles forth from the wounds, covering everything,
And then congeals into long needles of obsidian
That rend the tissue of my soul,
Which falls apart, like old cobwebs brushed aside.

I curl up into a fetal ball to escape the pain,
but the darkness within me is growing more insistent,
cancerous voices whispering that I am worthless, lazy, and hopeless.

I am paralyzed with fear.

I try to cover my ears, but it's still there,
Coiled like a snake
In a dark corner of my mind.

I composed this today while waiting in line at the Food Bank. It pretty much sums up my darkening mood.

The dreaded eviction notice did not arrive today. It probably will arrive Monday.

I slept 14 hours last night, never a good sign.

I woke up at 11:30, dressed, and took the bus to the Food Bank, trying the whole way not to dwell on the brutal, self-loathing thoughts that swirl around me like a dark cloud.

The lines at the food bank are getting longer and longer every week, and the amount of food they give out is getting smaller and smaller, because they have more and more mouths to feed.

The dark, gloomy weather hasn't helped, either. I'm using the light box every day, now. When I become homeless, I will lose that crutch, too.
kevyn: (Default)
( Oct. 22nd, 2008 05:07 pm)
Went to the Bellingham Food Bank today to stock up on free groceries. Pickings weren't quite as good this time -- I only got 1-1/2 bags of groceries, and usually I get 3 bags -- but I suppose that I should be grateful to Bellingham for having a resource like this. They've kept me fed through these hard times.
At long last, food from the new Bellingham Trader Joe's has started appearing at the Bellingham Food Bank! Rejoice!


kevyn: (Default)


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