kevyn: (depressed)
( Feb. 5th, 2009 04:22 pm)
So, today is the third consecutive day that I haven't been able to leave the apartment, because of my swollen foot and ankle. One thing is very clear -- my next apartment MUST be a ground floor one, because if these kinds of attacks continue to get worse as I age, and my joints continue to degenerate, then I am going to find myself more and more trapped in the apartment, unable to navigate the flight of stairs. I can't even do simple household tasks that require going down the stairs right now, like taking out the garbage and recycling, or checking the mail.

I've eaten no meat protein today, and have finished the last of my black cherry juice. I need to get someone to go to the store for me again.

And I still don't have any painkillers, and I don't know who to ask for help?

Each day that goes by, I am giving up more and more, surrendering to this life, a shut-in invalid. I am going to be forced to file for Social Security, and all of the things that means to my future.

Part of me believes that I deserve no better.

OK, I got to remember to take my antidepressants every day... I can tell I'm slipping after a couple of days.
Keep trying to sleep. I doze off, then the pain in my feet wakes me.

Aspirin doesn't do much for the pain, but I don't have anything else, and food stamps won't buy Tylenol. (Or cigarettes.)

Sometimes when I wake up, I watch an episode of Mary Tyler Moore on Hulu, to distract myself. I often fall asleep before the episode ends, only to have my foot wake me half an hour later. And the cycle continues.

This is turning out to be a long, miserable night.
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My right foot is swollen, and it hurts to put any weight on it. I had to cancel an appointment I had for this morning because I can't leave the apartment, much less make it downtown. I can't walk down the stairs again, and am pretty much bedridden again. Worse part is, this time all I have is aspirin, which doesn't work well for gout. I need real painkillers!

I'm pretty sure its another gout attack, in combination with my disintegrating orthotics, and my shoes which are starting to wear unevenly from the pronation. Last night, I had Krab dip and crackers for dinner, and I just know that's what must have exacerbated it. It seems that anytime I eat artificial crab meat anymore, I get a gout attack. Ouch. I also probably overdid it on the meat protein last night... I had gone to Haggen when I received my food stamps yesterday, and was craving meat, so I also got some fried chicken.

And the pain started 2 days ago when I ate salmon I got from the food bank last week. Sheesh.

What I am eating is killing me!
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kevyn: (depressed)
( Jan. 6th, 2009 04:56 am)
I'm now in my third consecutive day of being bedridden with gout in my right knee, barely able even to hobble to the toilet.

This invalid thing is getting old, real fast.

Drinking lots of water. Don't have any ice, so I can't use that on my knee. Wish I had cherry juice.

My legs are so sore from having to distribute my weight in unfamiliar ways. I take Naproxen and Ibuprofin, but it only helps a little.

Sleeping is difficult, because there are only certain ways I can lay pain-free, and if I roll over in my sleep, the pain wakes me up.

I feel like my life has come to a complete stop. I'm ready for this to be over.
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