Just be yourself.

[kevyn]

My entire life, I have been a loner, a hermit, and a social outcast. Always unable to "fit in," I long ago gave up trying to be with other people, resolved to just "be myself," and at times to actually revel in my outsider status.

As long as I can remember, people have told me that the secret to making friends is to just "be yourself," and people will like you for who you are, instead of trying to pretend to be something that you are not.

And, for the most part, I have always followed that advice.

But a nagging doubt has always been there in the background, that I am giving voice to here for the first time... what if "being yourself" means being someone that people generally don't like? I'm not being cheeky here, just wondering if there isn't a flaw in the logic of "being one's self" as the key to good relationships?

If one's true self is the kind of person that is curmudgeonly, or unpleasant, or negative, or just plain unlikeable... doesn't that belie the idea that people liking you for who you are is sometimes untrue, that sometimes, you must suppress your true self and pretend to be something you are not in order to get along with others? That you may have to choose to be alone in order to be yourself, or choose to be something insincere in order to have companionship?

Just a random thought on a Sunday morning....

Comments

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

The logic of "be yourself" is different for me ... I believe in "be yourself" cause it's such a lot of work trying to be someone you're not, I would rather only attract people who can tolerate / enjoy who I actually am. Few and far between as they are. I've had jobs where I had to be the grinning idiot, and I can say for sure I don't want to have to keep that act up in real life.

[kevynjacobs.livejournal.com]

>I would rather only attract people who can tolerate / enjoy who I actually am. Few and far between as they are.

I've thought that same thought a lot over the past 4 decades. But now I'm pushing 40 and am still alone, and am wondering, "is this who I am? Is that who I am destined to be?" How much longer do I have to wait before who I am attracts someone else?

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

Ah OK I misunderstood your intention in posting.

Maybe what you need to do is, without being false, more plainly present that aspect of yourself that (or is it who?) wishes to be partnered?

I feel like I do....

[kevynjacobs.livejournal.com]

I feel like I do present myself as available for partnering, but don't seem to be very good at it. t doesn't come naturally to me.

Awww, I'm sorry Bill. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself today.

-K

Incidentally...

[kevynjacobs.livejournal.com]

> I believe in "be yourself" cause it's such a lot of work trying to be someone you're not

Bill, I agree with this statement totally. It *is* a lot of unnecessary work to try and be something you're not.

-K

[deepthroatbear.livejournal.com]

I could have written most of this entry for my "regular" blog. I diverged from associating with that last paragraph simply because I believe that you can be the nicest person in the world and still have folks dislike you. It's a headscratcher, to be sure -- but I think it's true.

You got that right!

[kevynjacobs.livejournal.com]

>I believe that you can be the nicest person in the world and still have folks dislike you.

Too, too true. Thank you. ;-)

Gawds Kevyn...

[kevynjacobs.livejournal.com]

...you are such a WHINER sometimes!