A self-pity party... all are invited

[kevyn]

So I've been through anger, bargaining and depression (well I'm still in depression, actually)... don't see how denial's gonna work, but I'll be glad to get to acceptance. In the meantime, however, I have a question:

Is there truly someone for everyone? Or is that just a self-serving myth we tell ourselves and others with broken & lonely hearts, because the truth might just be too frightening to bear?

Is it possible that some people are just meant to be alone, no matter how much they try not to be?

What if not everyone has a "soul mate," or if you just missed them? What if the man of your dreams thinks you are too complicated and messed up to be involved with? Does that mean empty anonymous sex or celibacy are the only options left?

What if some men truly are islands?

Comments

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

My belief is that you don't find relationships, like buying a suit off the rack, instead you have to make them. There's plenty of raw materials out there, but you gotta put the work into fashioning the relationship. And a person may decide it's not worth it, to them, to put that work in, which I think is an OK decision. i don't see any reason that everyone MUST be partnered.

We are all in some respect broken. Thanks to mom dad hamilton the christian churches the fricken school system the hormones and pollution in the food the bad air the mafia the baby boomers jose paredes and my own brain chemistry ... and yet it is still possible to have relationships.

I've resisted answering this one...

[kevynjacobs.livejournal.com]

...because it's painful.

> you gotta put the work into fashioning the relationship

And, I think, with Giovanni, it was the first time I ever saw the potential for a real relationship that was worth putting work into. 37 is a little old to start dating, ja? Just call me a 37-year-old virgin.

> And a person may decide it's not worth it, to them, to put that work in, which I think is an OK decision.

I agree it's an OK decision, Bill.

But it hurts like hell when you are the one who is rejected over and over and over again.

> i don't see any reason that everyone MUST be partnered.

Must. Wow. Compulsory partnership.

Frankly, Bill, that statement is the reason I haven't answered this for a week, because it REALLY bothered me.

My initial gut reaction was, "Oh that's easy for you to say Bill, you've been able to have successful partnerships." Kind of like the old joke, why is sex like air? You only worry about it when you don't have it.

> ... and yet it is still possible to have relationships.

I want to believe you Bill. I want to believe it's possible.

But I'm 37 years old, and have been alone the whole time.

And I am so, so tired of being alone.

At the rate I am going, I will die alone, never having had a partner.

Re: I've resisted answering this one...

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

Well I'm sorry it's painful, and of course if it doesn't work for you, ignore it. What do I really know about your situation anyway? Free advice, worth every penny you paid for it.

Re: I've resisted answering this one...

[kevynjacobs.livejournal.com]

Of course you're right.

I'm sorry.