Once More Into the Breach...

Oh what an interesting past few days this has been. Since my police escapade last week, I have seen the inside of more public servant offices than I can count. Mental health counselors, social workers, financial counselors, psychiatrists, student health center directors, disability resource coordinators, vocational rehabilitation counselors... even the school's suicide prevention team. And it's not over yet. I am having an eval with yet another psychiatrist later this week. All these wheels are turning as a result of a LiveJournal entry. But at least I'm back in the mental health system.

When I am off the meds (as I was all of Sept. and some of October, because I lost my insurance), I sometimes go into deep deep depressions. Sometimes my response is to curl up into a ball and say "I give up." That's what happened. But just for the record, at no time during this episode did I actually think "I'm going to kill myself." I wasn't actively contemplating suicide. Writing these dark moods in my LJ helps me, but it can be alarming for my friends & family. I'm sorry if I frightened you. Often I don't publish these journal entries publically, but sometimes I do, especially if I need to cry out for help.

And this time, help came.

Twenty-three years of repeated hospitalizations and breakdowns has got the system's attention. Which is good, because without my meds, I don't function well. Brain is broken, moods don't stabilize right. As long as the bureaucracy gives me anti-depressants and helps me stay on track, I'll be OK.

Thanks for all the words of support from everyone here during the meltdown.

So, the game plan is this:

• I'm on an emergency supply of the meds, courtesy of St. Joseph's Hospital, while DSHS decides to put me back on medical coupons. (I'm not worried - I can see the bureaucracy is working in my favour).

• Once I am back on medical assistance, I'll be allowed to see mental health professionals at Whatcom Counseling & Psychiatric Clinic, and they'll make sure I have my needed meds.

• WWU is giving me financial aid. But I don't start until Winter Quarter (January). That means I graduate Spring Quarter. *shrug* Still in time for my 40th birthday.

• Once back in WWU for those 2 quarters, I have full access to the psychiatric & prescription services the university provides to students.

• In the meantime, I have food stamps, and probably will get full medical and public assistance.

• Mom's going to keep paying my rent ($315/mo). She's planning on visiting soon. (Oy.)

• WWU's Student Disability Resources & the Washington State Division of Vocational Rehabilitation (DVR) are working together to help me become employable again. DVR may even be able to pay some of my tuition. In the meantime, I'll be going through an extensive work training program with them.

• I also get to complete the Incomplete on my transcript, which caused the financial aid system to balk.

Lather, rince, repeat.