Hagrid is in the House!

So, I got up this morning, showered and dressed in my suit and tie, and prepared to go to my weekly meeting with my DVR counselor.

And just as I was ready to head out the door, I got an email from her office, saying she was unexpectedly out today.

Oh well. I'm already up and dressed to the nines anyway, so I might as well make the best of it!

( Click for a full day's supply of job-hunting excitement! )

This month, the WTA bus passes are green!

(Thanks to DVR for providing this for me.)

This month, the WTA bus passes are brown!

(Thanks to DVR for providing this for me.)

I'm back!

After spending days being hobbled by a sweet-tea-soaked-dead keyboard (*bzzzzt*), being forced to use the mouse and a virtual keyboard to type (*AAAAAAGH*), and totally unable to work on Wikipedia articles... teledildonix came to my rescue! He had an older-model (but still compatible) Mac keyboard lying around, and he gave it to me. Thank you so much, Kevin. Once again, you've pulled my fat ass out of the fire!

Today was a busy, busy day. I slept in, then ate a leisurely breakfast of Corn Flakes and Mountain Dew, and did almost nothing until noon.

Then, I showered, dressed, and started my day. ;-)

Caught the bus to the University, and paid my remaining fees (to keep the road to graduation in August clear), went to the bus station, bought a July bus pass, went to WorkSource downtown to meed with my DVR counselor. Turned out to be a really good meeting: we talked about how I should broach the subject of my disability with future employers (her advice: not until after they've given you a firm job offer in writing), what my plans are (short term: find a part-time job, long-term, find a permanent job), should I cut my hair & beard (no, but I do need a trim), how I can include my Wikipedia editing experience for any job I apply for, etc. I've also agreed to start going to job club every Monday morning, to network. Then she asked me what DVR could do for me, and here's what we came up with: DVR will pay for my graduation expenses (cap and gown rental). DVR will pay for a brand new outfit (shirt, slacks, shoes) for me to wear to interviews. And DVR will pay my bus pass all summer! Cool deal, no?

Afterwards, I went to Kevin's place to get the keyboard, then to get some groceries, including a $16 salad (don't ask), and now I'm home!

Now I just gotta get caught up on my emails and LJ comments...

Here's the email I just sent to my advisers at WWU & DVR:

OK, winter quarter is about to begin tomorrow. I am ready to tackle this education thing again - one last time!

I am currently registered for 2 classes:

ENG 351 - INTRODUCTION TO FICTION WRITING -- CRN 14553 -- Instructor: Nicholas B. Dybek
5 cr. -- TR 12:00 pm - 1:50 pm -- College Hall 137

JOUR 340 - HISTORY OF MASS MEDIA -- CRN 13652 -- Instructor: Bradley P. Howard
3 cr. -- MW 8:30 am - 9:45 am -- Old Main 482


I'm still trying to get in to this grant writing class:

ENG 462 - PROFESSIONAL WRITING: GRANT WRITING -- 13829 -- Instructor: Nicole Brown
5 cr. -- TR 10:00 am-11:50 am -- Humanities Bldg. 105

Because this class is only offered once a year, I feel it's vital for me to get into it. I've contacted the instructor, asked to be put on the waiting list, and plan on showing up for the class tomorrow morning (even though I'm not yet registered).
( More academia... )

Today was the last day of the DVR WorkStrides class that I've been taking for the past 3 weeks. It's been an interesting class, and while some parts of it have been sheer review (like affirmations and goal setting) or things I am just not ready to do right now (like job hunting, while I get emotionally stablized again), there have been a few really good things that have come out of the class.

First and foremost is developing a clear concept of my dependable strengths, which has been really valuable, and I think will help me a lot when I do make a move back into the job market. That exercise alone was a tremendous boost to my battered self-esteem. It reminded me of strengths I had, and had forgotten I had, and got me to write them all down in a job-finding tool. I also learned a lot about networking and job benefit negotiations from that exercise.

Second, is that the class got me out of the house, where I'd otherwise just wallow in self-pity. WorkStrides and got me doing something productive again, while I wait for school to start in January, and since I am not working. (Right now, because of my emotional instability, and the insurance problems, I have a real disincentive to work. More on that later.)

I produced a lot of work in the class, and though my starting the fluoxetine regimen right in the middle of it was hard, and then doubling the dose 5 days later was doubly hard, I made it through, and even produced some interesting writing and art.
And third, it made me some new friends (some of who are reading this journal entry right now... Hi McKenna!). The makeup of the class was quite diverse - in age, background, and ability - and it was nice to be in a social situation where I got to interact with people on a more-than-shallow level, cooperatively. Much of the work was done in small groups, and it let me interact with other people in a safe environment. (One of the instructors described my style as that of being a "consensus builder.")

Today being the last day, it was kind of like the last day of school. As an exercise, Anita handed out a bunch of 3x5 cards to the class, and instructed us to write something positive about each member of the class on them. They could be anonymous, or not, as we wanted, and anything we wanted to write, short or long. Then Anita distributed the cards to the people they were about. It was kind of corny, like everyone signing each other's yearbooks on the last day of the school year before summer vacation, but it was nice to see all the nice things people wrote about me.

The ones I received are to the right. Click on them, if you'd like to read them. Zach, McKenna, Kat, Bonnie and Anita were all especially dear to me, and over the last 3 weeks, I really am grateful that you guys were all able to share with me.

Then, at the end of class, we had a graduation ceremony, with cake and punch, and personalized certificates of completion. I'm sorry it's over, because I'll miss my new friends, but I'm coming out of it with some new tools, and a newfound appreciation of just how amazingly talented I really am!

Today was a somewhat better day. My mood wasn't quite as dark and hopeless today as yesterday. We've been talking about goal-setting in DVR Workstrides class. I've even been thinking about restarting the process of going back to school.

Today was capped off with a surprise visit by Whoretense! At 5pm, there came a knock on my door... helloooo! Whoretense had come to take me to the monthly 1st Wednesday Gay Men's Potluck. What a wonderful surprise! We had a very nice time. The only downside was that Rick was there, and he seemed very... distant to me. No surprise, considering we'd broken up a couple of weeks back. But I know it was the right thing to do.

I didn't want to, but I missed DVR class today. The short and sweet reason: I'm broke, and don't have any gas in the car.

THE DREAM:
I dreamed last night that I was at some sort of sporting event with my family (odd, because my family doesn't do sporting events). We were in a large stadium, and there was some sort of drawing for door prizes. Then a special prize was awarded -- one of the sections of the stadium would get a "big prize" award -- and it turned out to be our section! Everyone in our section would get to go to the special "big prize" gift shop and choose one item. We were all very excited.

As we walked en masses up the stairs to the gift shop, we discussed what it was we would choose.

"Well, just remember," someone said, "we have to be able to fit everything into the car!"

We arrived at the gift shop. My sister had her eye on a new bicycle, and took it immediately. My brother took an huge set of Star Wars action figures in a giant Star Destroyer carrying case. Mom grabbed something (I didn't see what) and left.

And me... I just stood there, overwhelmed. So many choices.

I couldn't decide! Was there anything in here I really needed? (not really) Was there anything I absolutely wanted? (Sure, there were things that were cool, but did I really *want* them?)

I was able to determine that just about everything in the "big prize" gift shop had a retail value of about $1,000. So it occurred to me, I could sell my item on ebay, and take the cash.

But that didn't even help. So many things, and absolutely nothing that jumped out at me. Other people came and went, happily carting out their prizes... but not me. I examined everything. Weighed the possibilities. (The Star Wars action figures had resale value, but I couldn't open them, because Mint-In-Box is more valuable. The 4-foot-tall ivory Nutcracker would sell, as we're getting close to Christmas, but isn't ivory immoral? Hmmm, there's a fundraising kit, but that didn't seem like much fun. Nice wall clock...)

The store clerks were starting to get impatient with me, because I wouldn't choose. Everyone was waiting for me. What to take, what to take....

...and then I woke up.

INTERPRETATION:
There's a couple of things about my personality that I think this dream reveals.

First, is that I'm not especially materialistic. Contrary to what our culture teaches is valuable, I'm not a hoarder of stuff. The fact that I wasn't going to just impulse take something that seemed cool to own is not far from the reality in my own life. I like nice things, but I don't tend to buy things unless I *really* want it, or I *really* need it. I'm constantly getting rid of things in my own life, because too many things just clutters up my life. If I don't actually need it, or if it doesn't bring me a very high level of enjoyment, I don't buy it. In some ways, I am a marketer's worst nightmare, because I don't have to have it just because it's cool.

Second, I am aware that research has shown that too many choices can actually make people unhappy.
I know I can be that way. I get paralyzed with indecision in my own life, because there is so much available to me in my own life.

I especially see this in how it relates to my many gifts and talents. I have had the hardest time settling on a major/career. In my DVR class, we've been exploring strengths, and I have so many, I can't decide. I can do so many things well, I've never been able to settle on just one to fully develop. I get bored, I don't stick with develping any one talent or skill, and I have ended up becoming a true jack-of-all-trades, master of none. Aside from the fact that I just don't particularly want to work, this has actually been a major problem in my life. I can't choose what I want to do!

The fact that I was starting to judge things based on their resale value also reflects an entrepenurial streak. I have been selling stuff on ebay for years (never made much money at it). My judgement of the stuff in the dream stopped being about what value it held for me and satisfying my own desires (since nothing was doing that), and started being about what I could sell to others, to fill others' desires.

The 3-week workshop I am participating in at the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation (DVR) has been focusing on my "dependable strengths" - those characteristics or skills I posess that make me valuable to an employer. As part of the process, I have been working with a small team of peers to identify each other's strengths.

Below is the list of my strengths, as seen by my peers in the group. These aren't my views, but others. Some of them surprise me (People skills? Responsible? Me?), but most are nice to hear from others.
( Click here for the list )