kevyn: (depressed)
( Nov. 21st, 2008 03:41 pm)
Shards of glass riddle my heart
shrapnel of exploded hopes

The inky discharge of despair bubbles forth from the wounds, covering everything,
And then congeals into long needles of obsidian
That rend the tissue of my soul,
Which falls apart, like old cobwebs brushed aside.

I curl up into a fetal ball to escape the pain,
but the darkness within me is growing more insistent,
cancerous voices whispering that I am worthless, lazy, and hopeless.

I am paralyzed with fear.

I try to cover my ears, but it's still there,
Coiled like a snake
In a dark corner of my mind.


I composed this today while waiting in line at the Food Bank. It pretty much sums up my darkening mood.

The dreaded eviction notice did not arrive today. It probably will arrive Monday.

I slept 14 hours last night, never a good sign.

I woke up at 11:30, dressed, and took the bus to the Food Bank, trying the whole way not to dwell on the brutal, self-loathing thoughts that swirl around me like a dark cloud.

The lines at the food bank are getting longer and longer every week, and the amount of food they give out is getting smaller and smaller, because they have more and more mouths to feed.

The dark, gloomy weather hasn't helped, either. I'm using the light box every day, now. When I become homeless, I will lose that crutch, too.
kevyn: (buccaneer boots)
( Feb. 20th, 2008 03:56 am)
It's 4 a.m.
And I wake up
Alone.

It's only been
Ten hours
Since he laid besides me
But I already miss him.

I hug myself tightly
Remembering how he looked
Half-naked
Sprawled on my bed
Just ten hours ago.

My body recalls
Sharing his bed
Late at night, darkness
Naked bodies spooning
Legs intertwined
My arm draped across
His furry belly
My face buried in his neck.

I breathe in his scent
And ask him a question
He's already asleep
And he mumbles an incoherent answer
I smile, content, in My Captain's arms.

I have spent my whole life
Sleeping alone
And now...

...I don't want to.
Wow, this is so cool...

My Borg Poem just showed up on Yahoo! Philippines Answers Homework Help:

Resolved Question > Multiple choice.?

This is the second time this poem has hit the school curriculum radar internationally.

They call me a POET!

Damn. I always said my goal in life was to be a footnote... but now I'm somebody's HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT! LOL!

I'm feeling very accomplished here. (How do I channel this interest in my writing into $$$?)
kevyn: (Default)
( Nov. 12th, 2007 09:59 pm)
My friend [livejournal.com profile] aristotimos is studying poetry at WWU, and wrote an interesting essay this evening titled The Secret Art of Interpreting a Poem Correctly. It's worth checking out, and got me thinking about my relationship (or lack thereof) with poetry.

When I was in 7th grade, I tried to write some poetry. It rhymed. It conveyed deep thoughts. It was even... poetic!

But though I tried to write it, the truth was, I was doing it for the acclaim it was getting me (or not getting me) from teachers/family members/peers. I wasn't attempting to write it for the sake of the experience. And when I didn't get the acclaim, I stopped writing it. Because writing it wasn't a satisfying experience.

I've also never developed a taste for reading most poetry. I don't have the patience for it. I find it difficult enough at times to relate to other people's emotions on an interpersonal level. Trying to wade through purposely obfuscated language in order to "feel" something makes me feel like my time is being wasted. Just TELL me what it is you're trying to convey already! Sheesh!

Usually I don't feel much of anything when I read poetry, unless you count frustration, or boredom. My eyes glaze over. My analytical mind keeps going, "Where's the meat?" Sometimes, titles, footnotes and annotations to poems are more informative than the poem itself.

I guess it's why I prefer prose. It's the way I'm wired. I prefer words that convey information over words that convey emotion.

There is, however, one kind of poetry that I do adore, and write often: Haiku.
Because, for me, writing haiku isn't about emotion. Haiku is about precision, and technique. How skillfully can you shrink an idea, an image, an experience into as few words as possible, and still be clear? Clarity of word choice is the key. Poetic language is to be avoided. Get your message across, quickly, and calmly. It suits my minimalist tastes.

I usually write traditional 5-7-5 syllable haiku. In fact, there's a whole slew of them on my LJ User Profile, dating back several years. I add a new one, reflecting current events in my life, from time to time.

Here's my latest:
I broke up with him
when I grew tired of buying
so much lice shampoo.
Yes, there is a wry humour to it. It's not devoid of emotion. But the emotion is short, punchy, and secondary to the relevant information: This is what I did, and here's why.*

For me, haiku is the perfect poetry. It's perfect for short attention spans. Here's the words, here's the information, maybe even an emotional charge attached to it, BAM! All done.

I can focus longer on words than just a microsecond, even read whole books -- but only if the writer is not making me work for it. Most poetry makes me work, for very little payoff. This, more than anything else, explains my lack of interest in most poetry.

=========
*OK, I admit it, that's not the ONLY reason I broke up with him... but it is central to the whole reason why I got tired of sleeping with him - poor hygiene, lack of overall cleanliness, and a constant case of crabs drove me up the wall. And I got fed up with cleaning up his candy bar wrappers after him.
kevyn: (Default)
( Feb. 13th, 1999 12:00 am)
Come Nox
Come Dark
Come Silence
Allow me to release
My Monkey Mind
And open myself
To the possibilities
To the images
And the Spirits
And the impossibilities

Come into my mind
As it sleeps
And release
The hidden lusts
And fears
And absurd fantasies
That dance in full color
In my mind

Take me to places
Where my body
And my waking mind
Can never go

Come Sandman
And make my night
A visionary journey

Come...
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