Ponder these words and shudder...
For the impossible is possible
(Just not always very likely).



So. I'm doing what I haven't tried in a couple of years: Quitting Smoking.

I've done it hundreds of times before, so I know I can successfully quit.

Staying quit, now that's the hard part.

Thanks to a gift from a friend, I have nicotine patches.

Thanks to the Washington Quit Line coach for the Quit Date. Let the stages of grief begin.

And Thanks to the SCHIP program for making cigarettes too fucking expensive for me to buy!!!!!!

AAAAAAARG! I Don't wanna quit! I don't wannaaaaa quit... waaaaah waaaah waaah

(*ahem*)

(OK, better. Apologies for the outburst of the Id.)

Now I need to go buy some straws to replace my oral fixation.
I am so grateful for Dylan taking me to the ER this evening, and sitting there with me for almost 5 hours as they hooked me up to an EKG, took X-rays, took blood work, urine samples, and blowing into a peak flow metre.

So. I have Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD). In other words, I've fucked up my lungs. From chain smoking smoking rubber bullets for 20+ years (I started at age 18, in order to impress a guy.)

It's not entirely reversible. I'm only 40, and it's not severe yet, so some of the damage can be undone (by quitting smoking!). But it will never fully go away. I'll always be short of breath.

I have an inhaler now, and I need to lose some weight, fairly rapidly to gain some of my lung capacity back, which was being pushed aside by the fat. Hopefully, the lithium was the cause of the massive weight gain that triggered all this, so I should start dropping again.

That is all.
AAAAAGH! I'm having major nicotene withdrawals. I'm edgy, jumpy, hostile... and broke. Great, just great.

Anyone want to volunteer to be an enabler for me here and send me $6.50 via PayPal so I can go buy smokes?

Seriously, I'm begging for money for cigaretttes. Save me from having to go panhandle on streetcorners or smoking butts out of ashtrays.

Donate here:





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