kevyn: (Default)
( Nov. 30th, 2008 11:28 am)
So, we're headed into that time of year again, where greed and gluttony take over the psyches of children (both chronological and mental), parents drive up their credit card debt in an attempt to assuage feelings of consumerist guilt, and Wal Mart shoppers kill employees in their crush to get the latest on-sale doo-dad.
Yes, it's Xmas time again!

So, in the spirit of the season, here's my holiday avarice wish list:

  1. A Permanent LiveJournal account. They go on sale from Dec. 4 through Dec. 10, and cost a mere $175! I'd love to have one, so I'd never have to worry about scrounging money for LJ again!

  2. A JOB. So many other things that are wrong with my life right now could be fixed if I could... just... find... gainful... employment! (Bonus points if its a job in Canada.)

  3. Pay my rent for a month. Please! Only $325.

  4. New shoes. I need new shoes. Badly. Size 16. Must be able to take an orthotic insert.

  5. New foot orthodics. Mine are falling apart, and it's affecting my walking ability.

  6. High-speed Internet. Cable, DSL, fiber, whatever. I'm grateful for what I have now (ClearWire wireless), but... it's slow!

  7. Pants. Slacks. Jeans. I'm currently down to 1 pair of dress slacks, and sweatpants. That's it. Size 54W, 34L.

  8. Pots and pans. When Donnie moved out, he took most of them with him. I have no pot to boil spaghetti or potatoes in!

  9. A potato masher. Wire whisks are just too... delicate... to get the job done properly.

  10. A carton of cigarettes. "The old man grabbed me and said, 'Hey, smoke up Johnny!' ... It was a banner fucking year at the old Bender family!"

  11. Underwear. Black boxer briefs. K-Staters know the kind I'm talking about. The kind you can wear as shorts!

  12. Lube. Yes, lube. You got a problem with that?

  13. Toiletries, such as toothpaste, toilet paper, deodorant, naproxen sodium, Q-tips, shampoo, bar soap, etc.

  14. Broom and dustpan. My broom died a horrible death last week.

  15. A juicer. Jack LaLanne makes it look so cool and easy on his infomercial!

  16. World peace, a solution to climate change, an end to the oil economy, Bush and Cheney at the Hague, the U.S. conversion to the metric system, human rights for all, gay marriage equality, and an end to silly religious cults (like Mormonism. And Scientology. And Catholicism. And Protestantism. And Islam. And Judaism...).


Thank you in advance, Santa!

P.S. I've been a good boy this year. Mostly!
.

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