Insomnia

[kevyn]

I haven't slept in over 24 hours.

I tossed and turned all night, thinking about Michael, and my broken heart, and why he left me. I have suspicions that there's another man involved.

It hit me with full force yesterday, Michael's dumping me. At least the anger did. The rage. The Despair. A touch of depression. I was able to hold it at bay a couple of days while I got the first part of the move done. But yesterday, when I called Terry to check up on him to see how he was holding up, and for some mutual sympathy. He showed no understanding or comprehension of what I was going through, and then hung up on me. As if *I* had done something wrong in this breakup! I'm the VICTIM here.

And then Michael banned me from his LiveJournal (an unprovoked and hateful thing to do on his part, while he maintains this false facade of civility). I went into meltdown. I phoned Michael, leaving two very raging messages on his VM. Then tore into him and Buck on his LJ using anonymous postings, since he hadn't blocked that yet (he has now).

I'm a zombie at the moment. I was planning on driving back to Lynnwood today to get the rest of my stuff from the apartment, finish cleaning the oven, and pay the cleaning lady to deep clean the apartment, return some library books and rented videos. I also left my cell phone recharger down there, which means my phone is going to die soon, cutting off another lifeline.

I'm in no shape to make that drive. I'd be dangerous on the road. I might fall asleep at the wheel, and even when I got there, I'd be in no shape to do anything. Best I stay put for now.

Yesterday, I reached out to whomever I could for support - my MMF community, my LiveJournal - and I did get some words of support back... but there's not much available for me. My primary support network - Michael & Terry - has abandoned me. I don't know anyone in this town, have no friends I can turn to.

Kady called me last night, thank you Kady. I needed the voice of sanity.

Now if I could just sleep... please please please let me sleep...

Comments

[redhatguy.livejournal.com]

I hope you finally managed to get some sleep. If not, then maybe you can take a benadryl (Diphenhydramine) to make you more sleepy. The way Michael dumped you is really unfortunate and makes him sound quite immature and frigid. I hate when I lose a cell-charger (I abandoned my land line years ago). I found the quickest and cheapest way to get a replacement is from one of those cell phone accessory kiosks at the mall. Speaking of the mall, that could be a place to partake in some "retail therapy." I hope you got some rest - things will get better. *HUGS*

[kevynjacobs.livejournal.com]

> I hope you finally managed to get some sleep.

Finally, after being up for about 40 hours. A couple of glasses of wine did the trick!

>The way Michael dumped you is really unfortunate and makes him sound quite immature and frigid.
I kind of thought he and I were at similar maturity levels ;-) Give our age difference (I am 17 years older than him).

>I abandoned my land line years ago
Me too!

>Speaking of the mall, that could be a place to partake in some "retail therapy."
Funny you should mention that... I did do a small bit of shopping, though at Goodwill & K-Mart, not the mall. Just some things I needed for the new apt., like a doormat and a bath mat, a keychain hook, and

[detailbear.livejournal.com]

I was going to call you tonight, but I'll hold off for your lack of phone and lack of sleep.

HUGS.

K

[kevynjacobs.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I have the cell phone charger now. Are you going to be around this weekend?